NewHair

Happy Humbug to me

nothing like spending the early morning of the 30th birthday rocking a small child back to sleep, only to have to sit on a heat pad as one eats breakfast to unknot ones back.
NewHair

Ever feel like a laugh?

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black or hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed. If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.
NewHair

Stolen from Al and from variouse other sources

Kissed any one of your LJ friends?
Yes

Been arrested?
No

Kissed someone you didn't like?
Yes

Slept in until 5 PM?
Yes

Fallen asleep at work/school?
Yes

Held a snake?
Yes

Ran a red light?
Yes

Been suspended from school?
Yes

Experienced love at first sight?
Yes

Totaled your car in an accident?
Yes

Been fired from a job?
No. Laid Off? Yes

Fired somebody?
No

Sang karaoke?
Yes

Pointed a gun at someone?
Yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
Yes

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Yes

Kissed in the rain?
Yes

Had a close brush with death (your own)?
Yes

Seen someone die?
No

Played spin-the-bottle?
Yes

Sang in the shower?
Yes

Smoked a cigar?
No

Sat on a rooftop?
Yes

Taken pictures of yourself naked?
Yes

Smuggled something into another country?
No

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes?
Yes

Broken a bone?
No

Skipped school?
Yes

Eaten a bug?
Yes

Sleepwalked?
Yes

Walked a moonlit beach?
Yes

Rode a motorcycle?
No

Dumped someone?
No

Forgotten your anniversary?
Yes

Lied to get out of a ticket?
Yes

Ridden on a helicopter?
No

Shaved your head?
Yes

Blacked out from drinking?
No

Played a prank on someone?
Yes

Hit a home run?
No

Felt like killing someone?
Yes

Cross-dressed?
Yes

Been falling-down drunk?
No

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
Yes

Eaten snake?
Yes

Marched/Protested?
Yes

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets?
Yes

Puked on amusement ride?
Yes

Seriously & intentionally boycotted something?
Yes

Been in a band?
No

Knitted?
Yes

Been on TV?
Yes

Shot a gun?
Yes

Skinny-dipped?
Yes

Made someone have to get stitches?
Yes

Eaten a whole habenero pepper?
Yes

Ridden a surfboard?
yes

Drank straight from a liquor bottle?
Yes

Had surgery?
Yes

Streaked?
Yes

Ridden in a Hot Air balloon?
No

Ever blown glass?
Yes

Rode a Horse?
Yes

Hit someone in the face?
Yes

Skydived?
No

Woke up and had no idea where you were?
Yes

Hitchhiked?
No

Tattoo?
No

Stayed up for 48 hrs straight?
Yes

Ever go pool hopping?
Yes

Stole a car?
No